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192 Unit 2 ■ Analyzing Comparisons and Representations Composition Workshop ■ Writing about Tone 193 UNIT 2

Student Model: Writing about Tone INSTRUCTIONAL FOCUS
® SKILLS LITERARY ARGUMENTATION
AP Review the following student model to observe how the thesis statement, line of
PRACTICE Revising and Editing an Analysis of Tone COMPOSITION WORKSHOP Student Model
reasoning, and evidence work together to convey an interpretation of the literary
argument. Teachers should guide students through the
After you have completed revising and editing your own argument, review student model essay to examine the unifying idea
another student’s literary argument and provide helpful feedback.
that threads through the line of reasoning and the
Peer-Revision Checklist: Revising and Editing an Analysis of Tone Escaping Expectations student’s choice of relevant evidence to support
Comment on the Sophia Amstalden that line of reasoning.
Copyright (c) 2023 Bedford, Freeman & Worth Publishers. Uncorrected proofs were used with this sample chapter.
Revising and Editing Effectiveness and/or
Checklist Unit 2 Focus Skills Make a Suggestion May Swenson recognizes how societal pressures burden her into hiding
Does the thesis Defensible thesis her true playful, childish nature as a young girl as she looks at a memory
statement identify one or of her playing outside and embodying the freedom of a horse. In “The thesis statement with
more tones and convey Centaur,” through a shift in tone from carefree to judgmental developed by interpretation
Distributed by Bedford, Freeman & Worth Publishers. Strictly for use with its products. Not for redistribution.
an interpretation?
poetic devices, May Swenson depicts the freedom her younger self felt idea: freedom
Does the interpretation playing as a horse in a tone that shifts and becomes more reserved under insight: humans
connect to a unifying
idea and an insight? the judging eyes of her mother, who represents the societal norms placed desire freedom
Does the writer Line of reasoning on girls from a young age to be good-mannered and composed. tone: shifts from
carefree to reserved
provide a logical line of Through metaphors and similes in the first several stanzas of the
reasoning to develop the poem, the girl explores her freedom when she is alone in the yard, claim: societal
idea and insight in the depicting the persona of the adventurous and playful nature of youth. expectations for girls
thesis? May Swenson’s younger self becomes the perspective of the audience impede their freedom
Is the unifying idea through her poem. By following her as she uses her “brother’s jack knife” topic sentence:
freedom associated
evident in this line of to “cut [herself] a long limber horse,” the audience understands her with the playfulness
reasoning? playful nature. She cuts herself a horse which symbolizes her freedom of youth
Does the writer provide Relevant evidence and carefree nature as she plays outside, but her attention to detail as
evidence for each topic
sentence to support she makes her toy shows how these moments of freedom have great
the interpretation in the importance to her. The detail of her brother’s knife depicts how she has
thesis? to use a boy’s object to create this free world she can play in, as this evidence: figurative
Does the evidence playful and rambunctious nature is more closely associated with little language illustrates
defend the choice of boys. She embodies the freedom the horse represents as her head the joy from freedom
tone(s) identified in the becomes “shaped like a horse” and her hair is “like a mane of a horse in found outside the
thesis? the wind.” These similes show her transformation into a creature that is home
Does the concluding Contextualizing the wild and free, roaming where she wants and playing however she sees fit.
statement explain the argument
significance of the She is not confined by any societal ideas of how she should play with tea
unifying idea? sets or dollhouses, she is free of all judgment to explore her youth and
Does the writer Conventions childhood. The wind is also representative of freedom as it twists and
demonstrate control moves anyway and anywhere it wants. It is again referenced as “the wind
over the conventions of twanged in [her] mane.” The sense of freedom that the wind represents
writing? calls her and she allows herself to roam free for a short while until she has
to return home. The tone of carefree youth is exemplified through the
poetic devices used to depict this young girl’s adventures playing horse.

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Composition Workshop Writing about Tone 193

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